SHE WROTE A BOOK!

Tyra’s dream come true
Editorially sucking
Tookie de la Creme

Our friends at The Scope (the local arts & entertainment magazine in St. John’s, Newfoundland) have asked us to bring our signature style to their readers.

We’re presently found weekly on thescope.ca, every Friday. You can check out the stuff we’ve already posted here:
FRIGHT NIGHT (2011)
THE INITIATION (1984)
ORCA (1977)
IN THE NAME OF THE KING (2006)

We’re posting ALL NEW CONTENT in a HOT NEW STYLE using our RUDIMENTARY KNOWLEDGE OF HOME COMPUTERS. thescope.ca also has other great content daily, including their Track of the Day and other stuff that you don’t need to be a local to be into. We’ll still be posting here, but new stuff goes to thescope.ca first, and weeks before it hits the blog here.

So, yeah. thescope.ca, every Friday.

BTW, this is us being modest:

what are we watching?
sick day, drunk by 5 p.m.
drinking mojitos 

It’s on Netflix, y’all!

BONUS: 24H2Midnight Drinking Game: Take a drink every time someone says “goth”. Considering the movie is about two goths go to a goth club to listen to goth music and meet another goth (named Goth), who constantly talks about the true meaning of goth, you will be a mess.

Our male lead, Dave Stann, is the current champ of our ongoing series, “Actors That Totally Wrote Their Own IMDB Bio”. Choice cuts include the following: “Equally at home playing attention deficit disorder-riddled cyberpunks as he is embracing the more intense demands of Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Dave always seeks out the more unconventional and extreme roles. Note: If by “equally known” he means “not known at all”, then he’s right. He goes on:
“A member of MENSA (but too cool to hang out with those brainiacs)” and “the right combination of acting ability, intelligence, and a trademark spark of in-your-face attitude”. It’s pretty likely that ol’ Hollywood Dave (his “alter ego”) has a Google Alert set up for any mentions of his name. Hi Dave! You’re still probably more famous than us!

Unrelated (but relevant) YouTube video:

coreys like bad girl
haim licks o.j. off her thighs,
ending the bromance

“Blown Away” stars the two Coreys, and Nicole Eggert, and was released the same year that as a string of R-rated/softcore standards featuring horny murderesses, including “The Crush”, “Poison Ivy”, and others. This plays out mostly the same way, except, later, Eggert goes mad bomber, planting explosives on two cars and someone’s dirtbike, each with a comically-oversized digital countdown timer.

Your imdb keywords of the day are:
Copulation
Porsche
Thong
Leg Spreading
Panties
No Panties
Voluptuousness
Erotica
Horse

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, now with less Brandy

Scream, but in da hood
and with bad rap sequences.
Slow motion killings.

Just so you know: the killer’s nickname is Poop.

a funky, funky jam

watch out, gay tupac!
beware: ragdoll’s gonna come
close with a slow jam

The cat-in-heat howls of the ragdoll are bad, but we found something far, far worse. Behold: Svengoolie, and his chilling song parodies.

nicolas cage brakes for pussy.

nic cage! back from hell!
has sex during a shoot out
drinks beer from a skull

SHEERS.

john stamos:  real man
gene simmons: hermaphrodite
they almost tongue kiss

ALSO:

ALSO:

nothing says "christmas" like one piece of garland taped to the wall

santa clauses die!
everyone’s eyes are smiling
what a crappy gift

clearly our new year’s resolution was not to update the blog more frequently!

FEATURING AN AWESOME DIRTSTACHE.

sir nicolas cage
prance around on your pony
bleed out your sadness