Monthly Archives: January 2010

[Hall of Fame] Zelda Rubinstein

da

Today, we induct Zelda Rubinstein in the “24 Hours to Midnight: The Hall of Fame”. Zelda has starred in Teen Witch, Little Witches, and Southland Tales, along with countless other films that had a role for a small, odd-looking, sassy lady.

Sadly, Zelda Rubinstein passed away today at the age of 76.

No jokes today. We’re too bummed.

 

And now, we have live reactions, from 24H2M staff:

naturalie: WHOA! Not true!!! What a sin.
mystyron: “OH NOOOOO!!!!”
savagebrewtality: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

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Red Surf

GENE SIMMONS

hunky george clooney
guns n’roses belly top
cocaine blow job

This was an early 90′s surfer flick featuring a roseanne-era clooney, michelle pfeiffer’s little sister dedee, and gene simmons.  i’m pretty sure it’s about some sort of set-up involving a drug deal, and then revenge, but i sort of stopped paying a lot of attention to the plot.  my either way, it’s an entertaining movie to watch at least once, if only for the drug addled bromance of atilla and remar.

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Legion

bob, you are drunk! get it together!

god is sick of us
who’ll save us from the angels?
jeep, and fake jesus

WHO NAMES A KID JEEP?

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The Craft

Light as a feather, stiff as a board x like 100,000,000

teen girls have powers
repeat things ad nauseum
and throw hissy fits

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Open Graves

featuring eliza dushku as a weird sea-witch

douchebags play board game
“sexy” chainsaw photoshoot
death by CGI

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The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak


gwendoline

someone save tawny
she’s bound and helpless again
fourteenth time today

Note: Watch the trailer at 0:20 seconds. Tawny gets nailed in the the face with a chunk of wood. Pretty funny.

For starters, the movie is based on the works of one John Willie, fetish photographer and bondage artist. His favourite subject was Gwendoline, your basic damsel-in-distress, who would get tied up by the evil queen (more on her later) until she was saved by (sigh) Secret Agent u-69.

So, the movie. It starts like an Indiana Jones knock-off (because it is) plus heaps of exposition explaining the importance of some exotic butterfly. We meet the swarthy hero who may just backhand his unwanted lady tag-along (Tawny Kitaen) at any minute. They face a variety of obstacles (Orientals! African savages!) but then, two-thirds of the way through the movie, the heroes come up a lost city of Amazons, and Tawny Kitaen ends up decked out in sweet gauntlets.

Tawny Kitaen Gwendoline

Some people prefer Tawny Kitaen in that Whitesnake video. Others prefer her in this ludicrous battle armor.

Then, there’s this. Skip to 1:40 to cut to the chase (literally):

After the TOTALLY EMPOWERING scene of ladies pulling chariots like horses, there’s a sweet fight scene. All the ladies are wearing leather thongs, so consider it NSFW.

We have to mention this scene, where virginal Gwendoline gets a lesson in love in this “phone sex without the phone” scene between Tawny Kitaen and Brent Huff. How long can you go without wretching?

Sidenote: The name of the actress that joins them at the end is Zabou. Just Zabou. One name. Like Yanni.

What else? Oh yeah, the Queen. She’s like a sado-masochistic Toad, wrapped in a sleeping bag. Pretty good.

gwendoline queen

The Queen, guarded by her clone army of samurai Grace Jones'.

tawny kitaen sex scene

Also, this happened.

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[news] House of the Devil VHS release

The 2009 horror-thriller The House of the Devil is coming to DVD and Blu-ray on February 2, 2010, and the promo item is the heights of awesome ridiculousness.

Check out the for-real VHS release of the film, complete with never-fit-on-your-shelf-properly clamshell case. Along with the pitch-perfect art, we think it was taken directly from the Eighties, most likely through the use of portals.

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[site news] Best?

In the most recent issue of The Scope, the results of the 4th Annual Best of St. John’s Survey were printed, including the results for the hotly-contested category of Best Local Blog.

The Scope St. John's

You'll notice that the carpet in boylorne's apartment is elegant, luxe, and moderately stain-resistant.

We don’t even really need to open it. We’re already Internet famous. Do we really want be MORE famous? The answer is yes, so let’s move on.

Ryan Snoddon

A winner is not us. Clearly, democracy doesn’t work. If it did, the citizens of the world would have chosen the blog that is totally BFFs with Bai Ling. Instead, they pick some deserving local blog. Insult to injury: Local weather goon Ryan Snoddon is there to talk about fame. FAME. On the same page as US.

You’re dead to us, print media!

(though you did print our site address in “Other Responses” so we’re OK)

UPDATE:


Ryan Snoddon: Hot Business?

Hot Business? YOU DECIDE!



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The Inheritor (1990)

furry speedo or hairy bird? i do not care, not even your eyebrow could turn me away.

handsome minotaur
seduces uptight co-ed
this movie? pointless

i couldn’t find a trailer, even though this movie was directed by academy award winner brian savegar (he won for set direction…so maybe that is why…), and featured dan “grizzly adams” haggerty. go figure.

here is a link to the minotaur’s website:

http://danielstephen.com/

if you google “the inheritor” in the images section, there is a pretty awesome picture of him in this movie, but it’s got copyrights  all over the place so i don’t know how to deal with it.

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Vamp (1986)

do not get the single man's special.

albino gangland
grace jones; the weirdest stripper
she flips us the bird

grace jones as erotic dancer: hot business? i was kind of traumatized, so you be the judge.

also, there is an incredible bromance in this movie.  one frat guy turned vampire tells his best pal to stab him with a table leg.  it turns out to be formica, making it possible for vamp frat guy to come back and save them all at the end.  best bros 4 life y’all.  gedde watanabe is pretty incredible in this as well, even though he goes missing for like half the film.  apparently he was just watching strippers and getting drunk, but still……

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